A Christmas Story

By Jill Smith for Jody Smith - Merry Christmas! 

‘Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the store,
Jody sold whistles on sausages, and dive lights and more .
When it was finally closing and he turned off the light,
He heard a strange noise and it gave him a fright.
Under the work-bench an elf did appear,
He was tangled and caught up in all of the gear.
He was an odd little fellow, dressed in trunks and a lei,
and Jody knew in a moment, he should just run away.
For the night was not going to be simple, he thought,
He knew it would bring headaches, more likely than not.
The elf scrambled out with alacrity and grace,
And was hopping and chattering all over the place.
“My name is Stinky, I’m a good little elf,
I love water, and diving, and gassing myself!”

“Stop!” Jody shouted, his good mood eroding,
Each minute accruing a sense of foreboding.
Stinky was jumping and farting, making far too much noise,
“Make me a Divemaster, I’m done making toys!”
“I told Santa to stuff it, I won’t work anymore,
I hate building and singing and sweeping the floor.
I wish to see dolphins, and turtles and pretty little fishes,
And I’m here to demand that you grant all my wishes.

“Good grief” Jody said for it was worse than he thought,
“I cannot just do that, there’s too much to be taught,”
 “Becoming a Divemaster is a great deal of work,
Now be a good little elf and stop being a jerk.”
“You don’t understand,” said the elf as he tooted,
This dream’s always plagued me, it’s indelibly rooted.”

“Fine!” Jody yelled as he picked out some books,
“But I’m telling you elf, it’s harder than it looks.
The manuals must be studied for each specialty you choose,
I’m warning you now - DO the knowledge reviews!"
 “Hooray!” shouted Stinky, passing gas in the store,
“I get to go diving, and swimming, and more!”
“I’ll be free as a fish, and as happy as a lark,
And nobody can tell me I can’t dive in the dark!”
“For I can do anything I decide I can do,
And nothing can stop me, neither Santa nor you!”

While Stinky sat reading and studying the text,
Jody had an idea about what to do next.
He made a quick call to the distant North Pole,
and begged Santa to come help him fulfill his new goal.
Ridding himself of Stinky, he could close for the night;
Santa agreed right away, and rerouted his flight.
 
Once Santa arrived, they met to confer,
devising a plan that they all might prefer.
 
Stinky was angry and nearly stormed out,
but stayed as he was feeling a little self-doubt.
Although he was vexed, and feeling grossly misled,
he sat in the corner flatulating loudly instead.

Jody and Santa sighed to see where he sat resolute,
then declared he was promoted with benefits to boot!
Stinky lit up with delight, and was jumping for joy!
He was ready to be boss-elf and rejoin Santa’s employ.

In addition to that, Jody and Santa agreed,
Santa could do more to fill each little need.
Discover Scuba Courses were purchased for every single elf,
And then Santa added some dive gear just for himself!
Jody was happy as he opened the door,
and he wished his friends well as he locked up the store.
But Stinky could be heard as they flew out of sight,
“Merry Christmas to all, and dive safely tonight!”